At first glance, HyperFlowism may just appear as a light rash/abrasion on the interior thigh or lateral ankle region, or on occasion acute skin peeling on the palms of the hands. These symptoms are merely a precursor to the imminent full-scale onset of HyperFlowism.
SYMPTOMS OF HyperFlowism
- Performing “kettlebell swings” with jugs of milk.
- Using your kids to help with joint mobilization or for weighted exercises.
- Pointing out things on the street, to complete strangers, that you “could jump on to”.
- Calling out “Time!” after the following: (but not limited to these…)
- Getting ready for work in the morning
- Placing groceries on the conveyor belt at the store
- Retrieving your newspaper or mail
- Pumping gas
- Conversations begin with “So, I PR’d my Squat Snatch” or “I kicked Cindy’s ass this morning”, followed by an awkward silence.
- Secretly waiting for the day you’ll “need” to deadlift your 1 rep max to save someone’s life.
- Overhead squatting Costco dog food bags between sample tasting.
- Your daily schedule is in 10 and 20 minute AMRAPs.
- You own more workout shoes than work and casual shoes combined.
- You refer to Kelly Starrett and Carl Paoli by first name as if you’re personal friends.
- You begin “learning a new sport” that you probably have no business playing.
- Cleaning the garage, only to make room for pull-up bars and gymnastic rings.
- Blowing your family clothing budget due to your ever changing body size.
- Loss of contact with friends because they were tired of hearing how “rewarding” and “challenging” Flow is.
- You talk openly about doing “Barbara” or “Annie” or a host of other women.
- Volunteering to move your neighbor’s landscape boulders … by hand.
- You often yell “No rep!” when watching strangers pick things up.
- You know other Flow members’ back squat weights and Fran times, but may not remember their last name or what they do for a living.
- There is no longer any shame or embarrassment from spending the day in your workout clothing.
- Insomnia, due to strategizing the next day’s Sweat.
- If just one Sweat is missed, extreme irritability sets in.
Support groups are continuously forming. If you or someone you know needs help, call the national HyperFlowism hotline at 888-HFI-HELP.